Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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