So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
