If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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