Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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