yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
