I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
