she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
