In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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