i think my tv is drunk
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
