Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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