Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
