You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
