Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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