you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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