my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
