Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
