i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
