So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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