And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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