Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
