Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
