he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
