my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this just has baby written all over it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
