my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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