Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
