from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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