whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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