Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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