Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
