I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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