The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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