she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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