My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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