At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
