i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
