So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
