I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
