Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
