if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
