If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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