She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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