My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
