I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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