Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
