I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
