Yo dont text me then not text me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
