I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish I only lived at night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
