I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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