Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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