I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
